How often do you meet up with friends? - The Student Room
What is a meeting cadence and why does it matter? In our post about why teams meet, I outlined two basic rules: Meet to maintain momentum. He does drive to how often should. Is how the date or so. First conversation. One another. If you may wish to meet face-to-face and you meet someone before. I moved to a new city about years ago and, aside from a few friendships that quickly faded by the 6-month mark, still have not made any.
We've been very open with people about the reason we joined the church, and people have been very welcoming towards us in terms of inviting us to events.
It's taken us years to develop a shared social circle. Sometimes there are events that one or the other of us don't want to go to, but we remind each other of why we got involved with whichever person or group in the first place. We have learned from experience that if you turn down an invitation, you likely won't get invited again, at least not without a lot of work this is in the beginning of the social relationship.
It's okay to check out some groups and assess whether they are a good fit and if not to move on quickly, but the more you keep showing to something the more people are willing to put time and effort in getting to know you. I see them somewhere between a couple times a week and every three months, depending on the person and how well our schedules are matching.
I met my boyfriend completely randomly outside these groups. I have some, not as many or as intense, these days. I also hang out with her fairly tight-knit group of friends now and then maybe every month or so? We've lived in different cities most of our lives. We meet every couple of years, and it's like no time's passed. It's the same as with Bff 2. When I moved back, I made a very good new friend through my brother his friend's sister ; she introduced me to three of her buds - not my usual crowd, but a lot of fun.
We all single women at the time spent most weekends together for a few years, until all four of them got married and pregnant within the same six months! I met four completely new people I'd go so far as to call kindred spirits, the kind of people you can talk about anything with, and get excited to see - three through interests different interests, they don't know each otherone through a mutual friend I knew from university.
Two live in different countries now. The other two live in my city, and we always want to meet up, but somehow don't, that often, maybe once every few months.
I'm a bit like that too. All of them are women who were like me at turning points in their lives when I met them i.
In that period, I did meet a bunch of people through interests and mutual friends, but wasn't able to devote much time to nurturing those relationships. Right now, I'm not in the headspace to get much into hobbies, but that's the way forward, imo - I know it works, if you're genuinely into what you're doing.
I agree with vinettist that it takes work - energy and stamina and the will to do it. We recognized each other as kindred spirits almost immediately. And luckily, current life bestie is one of those miraculous people who collects friends wherever she goes and has a big circle of interesting, hilarious friends that she introduced me to and they became my friends.
I hang out with this group of women every few months or so, and we try to get together in one big group with spouses and kids once a year or so. College bestie and I talk either on IM, texting, or phone several times a week, we maybe get together once a year. Current life bestie and I talk by text or on Twitter daily. We see each other x a month. I'm pretty close with a pair of couples I met at my church.
We see each other every few months or so? Probably would see them more if I attended church more regularly. We get together with my husband's best friend and his wife once a year or so.
It's hard to make friends as an adult! I moved back to my home state in It took me probably 5 years or so to make a solid group of friends. Everyone has busy lives and jobs and kids so it's hard to make time to hang out. It's always a pretty big production to get more than one friend in one place.
My local friends are mostly very old friends who are also from around here. Though of course there are a couple friends who I'm close to regardless of whether we're living near each other or not: We met in college started out as roommates. We both live in the city we grew up in a different city than our college. We see each other a couple times a month, have a looooong talk on the phone every week or so.
Has been my closest friend for over a decade -- she's like a sister to me. We met in college at the library, through mutual friends. We haven't lived in the same place since college. We only see each other every couple years -- the biggie was when we took a long international vacation together.
I wish we could see each other much more! We talk anywhere from every day to every few weeks. Has always been my rock, is also like family to me. We met in middle school we had a class together. Whenever we've both been in town, we've made an effort to see each other -- sometimes, that's only every few years, though! Since we've both been living in the same city recently, we've been seeing each other every week or so. We met in middle school played together in the school orchestra.
We live on opposite ends of the same city that we grew up in, so it takes a couple hours for me to get to her house or vice versa. We see each other every months, email every few weeks.
This is basically what our relationship has been like since high school. We met in high school took a summer class together. We live in different cities, but see each other whenever we're in the same town -- since we're from the same place, that's pretty frequently.
Usually, we see each other a handful of times a year, sometimes more, sometimes less. We don't talk much if we're not seeing each other in person -- just casual texts and stuff.
We used to be very close friends, but have drifted apart over time. We met in a community class a couple years after college. We live in different cities now, but in the same region a couple hours' drive apart. We see each other every few months, maybe a handful of times a year. We chat online or email each other every month or so. We're pretty good friends, but are very different and are probably as close now as we're ever going to be.
I also see my family parents and grandma a lot -- proximity to them is a big reason I moved back to town in the first place. Sundays are basically blocked off for them. Also, since I've known most of these friends for so long, I'm also friends with and hang out with their siblings, other friends of theirs, we both hang out with other friends of mine, etc. So we end up doing group stuff pretty frequently, even though we're not a "friend group.
When I lived in another city across the country at agesI met my close local friends: Through a writing group saw each other every week to every couple months. Through work saw each other pretty much every day at work! Through a community college class he became my SO and we moved in together, but we've since broken up. Met in high school, though we were only acquaintances back then. She was the only person I knew in town when I first got there, so I looked her up. We'd hang out for coffee or drinks every few months.
I also spent a lot of time hanging out with my SO's family aunt and cousin -- we were over at their house at least a couple times a week. We also made a lot of friends as a couple neighbors, other people in the same community college class, etc and hung out with those friends every week or two, but for various reasons, I haven't wanted to keep in touch with those friends since the breakup.
This reduces how frequently I can meet up with people, as does the fact that I and many other of my close friends have small kids. Before kids and my current job I was meeting up with my friends much more often. We meet every other month or so, either intentionally going to someone's house or meeting up at a common event like a wedding or birthday.
I meet someone from this group around once a month, and every couple of months we will all do things together. My wife moved to our city 7 years ago and she met all of her friends through work or meet-up activities for other expats from her country. She is able to meet up with her friends more often because she is at home with the kids and her friends have more flexible work schedules so they can meet up on a weekday.
I would say she meets up with non-mom friends about once a week. By and large these groups of friends do not overlap or meet each other. My family and school friends know of each other as they've seen each other at birthday parties when I was a kid and things like my wedding, but I wouldn't make a mixed group of them.
I am living in my hometown which partly explains why my closest friends are all people I've known forever. For the friends I made while I was in these other cities I mostly keep up with them on Facebook and we will meet up if one of us is in town.
Making friends in my twenties in Seattle was way easier because I didn't have a kid or a house to take all my time, and I could just hang on the weekends much more. Mostly I just met people through mutual friends, though I do also have a couple work friends from that era with whom I'm still close.
I just returned from a 5-day beach trip with one of them. Of my Portland friends, I met most of them via a "twenties and thirties" group at the local Unitarian Universalist church. It's funny, none of us actually go there anymore now that we are pushing 40, but we are still close.
One couple we see all the freaking time because they live a few blocks from us and our sons go to the same school. Another couple we see maybe once every month or two for dinner and try to do at least one camping trip together in the summer. Of my non-UU friends, most of them I met through work. I'm a librarian so we're an introverted bunch, so I did a LOT of "hey you seem cool, we should grab a beer sometime" first moves -- I never would have the friends I do now if I hadn't.
It's definitely work to make friends in your thirties. We haven't lived in the same city for over a decade, and no longer even live on the same continent, but we will hang out for a glorious few hours whenever our paths happen to cross which is rarely.
Haven't seen her in person for almost two years at the moment, and in between visits we actually rarely talk, but when we DO get together that matters very little. We're certainly not as intimately involved in each others lives as we once were, but we're still close in a way that's hard to describe. We formed a performance collective together once we graduated which we ran for almost 7 years, and even after that we still weren't sick of each other.
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Our lives have all diverged since, and many of us no longer live in the same city, but they are still my family and the closest friends I've ever had. Since I no longer live in the same city, I probably only get to see them twice a year if I'm lucky now, but when we lived in the same city I saw at least a few of them every week and, when our crazy lives allowed, we'd make an effort to have all of us in the same room at the same time at least once a month in a non-business capacity.
These are 3 people who are in my cohort and who I get along well with. I've honestly found it pretty hard to make connections here, since I still feel like my old city was "home" and it's hard to be open to friends when I still feel super connected to my old ones It is WORK, though. We met on OKCupid, which I joined in an effort to meet people in my new city. It worked out pretty damn magically, and we now live together so I see him every day.
He's my best friend. Making new friends is hard, and I'm realizing that it gets harder the older you are, simply because people have for the most part already established deep connections with the people who are their "people", and aren't looking for or in need of relationships in the same way that, say, my dance family and I were when we were 18 and had all just moved to a big city and were all starting a Big New Thing at the same time. Boyfriend aside, I really feel like the friends I've made post-dance school which was my equivalent of a "college" experience are not on he same level as friends made before that.
There just isn't the same sort of intensity of connection, or the same degree of shared experience My grown-up friends are more diverse in terms of their experiences and interests than my older friends, and our relationships are far more casual and less demanding, which is a good thing at this point in my life. I've had to learn that it's OK to have friends who you just like spending time with, who aren't necessarily the Closest Most Intimate Friends EVER, and that casual friendships are cool, too.
We have an ongoing facebook message that we write in daily. I met these women by working with one of them we also all work in the same industry. They also work in the same industry I work in, and I knew them as acquaintances before they became best friends first and became closer with them by making an active effort to hang out more.
Scheduling activities became the basis for our current hangout nights. I got to know them through my industry again! It's very small and became closer with them because we ended up working together. Sometimes these groups overlap but generally they are separate. Very grateful for the ones I have. It's tough, and it's taken me 4-ish years to build up a good network, but I feel like those relationships are strong and reciprocal.
I know it does not seem this way, but there are a lot of us out there who are having the same difficulty, and are looking for new friends too! I always try to be open to going to anything I'm invited to, and making an effort at conversation with the people I don't know. For me, there was not an "automatic payoff" so to speak, but a gradual building of relationships.
SO; we met while living next-door to each other. Also very close friends with his then roommate and roommate's SO. I see the SO pretty much every day, i. BFF happened to move to a city an hour away, so we see each other once a month maybe, and intermittently text. BFF 2 We were roommates and really connected. I also get invited to group functions with her other friends, and I've made some great connections there too. They also have an unpredictable work schedule, so we are both flexible with our plans, and hang out more on weeknights than weekends.
One of my closest friends went to high school with him - I usually see that friend once, maybe twice a week. The ones I've hung onto I formed friendships with in my own right. Two of those moved interstate, so we don't see each other terribly often but have good phone calls every week or so. Another one has two small kids, but we catch up once a month-ish.
I'd say I have about 3 more closer friends in this category. Also my most recent ex, with whom I am still friends, originally worked at the same place; we live in neighbouring suburbs so will see each other every week or two. I did volunteer work for several years and have one friend I see pretty infrequently from that. I've also tried joining a choir, but that didn't work very well in terms of making friends.
People would come, most of them seemed to know each other already and chatted with each other, we'd sing, then all go our separate ways. It's pretty tough not only as you get older, but if you are an introvert who has a hard time inserting yourself. Occasionally my inner extrovert takes charge and manages to steal the show, but I can't always rely on that happening.
And then there is my weekly meetup group Game Night. Very cool people but more of a way to spend some fun time with someone and not as much of friends. We sometimes meet outside of Game Night for drinks. I find making friends in a new city incredibly difficult.
Friendships take time and we're all so damn busy as grown-ups. This persisted for a year or two. I met all my current closest friends through Meetup, mainly through nightlife groups. I think how this happened was a turning up to the same group repeatedly and seeing the same people b adding said people on Facebook c organising our attending things which weren't meetups. I see them every week or two guess. It would be more but I have a lot of different social groups.
Yes - and creative activities, which can offer scope to get to know people in a few ways. Mutual appreciation for the things we did or made is what kicked off some of my newer friendships. I met one of my very good friends when she memailed me about an ask I'd posted years ago and forgotten about. Tl;dr; don't be afraid to reach out to mefites who post nifty things. J, boyfriend, knew from high school ten years ago and reunited with in the past year, see x weekly 2. My BFF lives in Homestate, but we talk a few times a week.
I still have good friend there, but we maybe talk once a year, and see each other during visits in our respective cities.
BFF is friends with all my friends back home, so I keep up with them through her too. Then 6 years ago I moved to Big City, and most of the people I was friend with then were people that I knew from Homestate. Then I became friends with their friends and so on and so on. Also I had some roommates that I became close to. And one or two people that I met through work. But mostly, I was meeting people by going to parties or dinners or whatever.
Of those friends, the oldest I technically met at Baby Swim at the Y when I was six months old, and the newest I met at a work conference about five years ago. I'm friendly with many of my other coworkers, too. The SCA is definitely the social group I count on for meeting people outside work; when you move a lot, it's great to have a worldwide social network to tap into. Moved to a city were most of them lived, Boston, and I see them every Friday night. Some have moved away but the addition of partners and spouses and now kids to that group has kept it pretty healthy.
Maybe 10 adults I see at least once a week for about 8 years. Having a standing 'friend date', ours is a game night, is extremely helpful.
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About 5 or 6 of us all met at a meetup in about ish, and now we travel together, go to each other's weddings, take care of each other's pets, and godparent the kids. If I don't see them about once a week I get antsy. And we've introduced each other to our non-Mefite friends and significant others, and now we all hang out in varying configurations of Mefites and civilians. It's a great crew.
In terms of friends of friends, one of my best friends now is someone who was an acquaintance of a college friend, and we met at a party 7 or so years ago and hit it off because of common interests. In terms of Mefi, many of the friends I see often these days I met at meetups.
Didn't work out instantly or anything--first couple meetups I went to were awkward--but now they're not at all, and I hang out with Mefites one on one, too. I'm self employed, and not in school, so I didn't have any built-in groups. I also have a lot of social anxiety, so these things not only take work, but require really going outside of my comfort zone. My closest friends where I live now I met through online dating, either directly or indirectly dating people and being invited into their social group.
Of course this can be tricky if you break up. I've been lucky here. I also push myself to get involved in lots of things: And I tried to "level up" with the people I really got along with. I started a game night and invited everyone I met from my language classes. I had a dinner party and invited the people from the game night who I really clicked with.
I got to the point with my acrobatics where I could teach, so I started to teach, and invited people from roller derby who I thought would like it.
It's a lot of work. And some days I feel like I am always on the edge looking in. But that's just the anxiety talking. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life and I am grateful. If you may wish to meet face-to-face and you meet someone before thinking long-term; important steps to.
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